I was at last Friday's game against the Flyers at the Garden, for which I purchased tickets handsomely priced tickets in the Blue Seats once it became clear that the last two games were a death match playoff showdown. Leaving the Garden after the game, I thought that the Rangers actually looked strong enough to take the Flyers back to Philadelphia and hand them a loss to squeeze into the playoffs.
I know now that they fooled me, once again, with Rangers Trickery. Following Friday's win, a more clear-eyed (sober) fan would have known that winning on the road against the Flyers was going to require that the Rangers exhibit that same stamina, grit, and scoring in a second, consecutive game. That same fan would have then correctly realized the upcoming game in Philadelphia was completely un-fucking-winnable for this particular group of Rangers, and that the playoffs were still as much of a pipe dream as they were 4 weeks ago. A similar example of this Rangers Trickery is last years playoff series against the Caps, when the Rangers handedly fooled me into believing they could advance to the semifinals by taking Ovechkin and Friends to game 7. Well played, Blueshirts. What you lack in talent you certainly make up for in deception.
So what happens next? (Aside from renewing your ticket package. Might as well save your breath ranting about a bad on-ice product and just pony up, Ranger Fan.) Well, "break-up day" was Tuesday, and most of the Rangers expressed their desire to return next year to the beat reporters who were present. Basically it should have been called "Pack Up Your Shit and Get the Hell Out, Olli Jokinen Day" instead. Noted asshole and NHL coach John Tortorella used Break-Up Day as an opportunity to slander one of the league's top goal scorers, Marion Gaborik, to the New York sports media, calling the top line's play "despicable." Selling heroin to little kids despicable, stealing money from state pension funds is despicable. Failing to score a goal in an important hockey game isn't despicable, it's just disappointing. I guess even Torts is above blaming goalies (unless the goalie is Stephen Valiquette), which made Gabby is the next-highest profile target. Sorry, our Slovakian pal, that's just Torts giving you some tough love for scoring 41 goals this year. It's his little way of saying "thanks, without you I would probably be getting fired right now." As per his yearly Spring tradition, Torts finished his press conference by spraying those in attendance with water and brandishing Aaron Voros' stick at them, then watching the rest of Break-Up Day from a press box.
Also, rumors. Here's one that won't die every single off season: the Rangers are going to trade for Brad Richards. Not going to happen. As Steve Ott once said, "You don't just [trade for] Brad Richards like that!" I'm not sure why people seem to think the Blueshirts have the cap room for this. They don't, not even close. Plus this trade would probably require sending Brandon Dubinksy and/or Most Brave and Loyal Alternate Captain Ryan Callahan to Dallas. If they trade Cally I'm becoming an Coyotes fan, I swear.
The roster next year is going to be remarkably similar to this year's squad. I don't think Olli Jokinen will be back. He is not very good at hockey anymore! I'm being polite about Olli because watching him play hockey, while trying at times, beat the shit out of watching Chris Higgins and Ales Kotalik "play" hockey. By the way, way to get yourselves fired, Sutter Brothers.
This morning, I caught the highlights of the Colorado-San Jose game in which the Avalanche came back to win the thing with a minute left in the third period. With the clock ticking down, they cycled the puck in the zone, refused to give it up, went hard to the net, and scrambled the San Jose defense until Chris Stewart banked a bad-angle shot off of Evgeni Nabokov to pot the game winner, more less telling San Jose, "eff this noise we're winning this shit, in regulation, whether you like it or not, you dumb Sharks." It was the kind of tenacious, crafty goal that can take the wind right out of a higher seeded team's sails. Basically, it was the kind of goal the Rangers never score.
In closing: Dear Rangers, please try harder not to suck next year. I don't think is unreasonable.
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